Devils

Sometime in 2003, I started writing this. 2003 was the year that I got into two of my biggest musical influences: Pearl Jam and Iron Maiden. I'd liked songs by each of the before (I Am Mine by Pearl Jam, and the obvious two by Maiden), but it was only after impulsively buying Ten while in America, and hearing Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter and songs from Maiden's then new album Dance Of Death that I really started to love them.

At first, this was pretty much just my attempt to write something Maiden-esque. By November though, things had changed a bit. I'd split up with the girl I'd been going out with for 6 months, and gone into another relationship almost straightaway (and no, I didn't split up with one girl just to get with another, there's a whole deeper story behind it ... incidentally, the second relationship only lasted 7 weeks). I think it was in the period just before splitting up with my first girlfriend that I began to develop this a bit more, as I was pretty depressed a lot of the time, and needed to get it out.

In November something else happened involving this first girl as well. Basically, she decided to run away from home, and proceeded to phone me and tell me this. Despite me telling her to go home, she ran away and to the best of my knowledge slept somewhere in a park or something, miles away, for the night, before going home again. Until I found out that she had got home safely, I was pretty much out of my mind with worry about her, all the while constantly trying to tell myself that it wasn't my responsibility to worry, but not being able to help it. A few days later I finished this song off.

It's actually still one of my favourite songs I've ever written, I like the creepiness and general weirdness of it ... was told it reads a bit like a Metallica song. Have also been told that the verse at the very end reads like it's being spoken by a child, which I agree would sound effective. It starts off piano driven, and very slow and ... macabre sounding, before kicking off into a heavier and faster sound with the last word of the first chorus. In between the last chorus and the verse at the end, there's supposed to be quite a long outro-style instrumental, sort of a deceptive ending, which fades back into the piano again for the final verse, building back up to a final crescendo throughout that verse.

I think just about ever since I came up with the idea for this song, I've also had the idea that, should I ever actually record these songs and make an album, my first album is going to be called Angels/Devils, and it'll basically be about good and evil, and will include this song, another one called Angels, and will finish with one called Holy Wars. Ever since finishing Devils, I've been trying to write Angels, but I've never managed to get anything I like for it ... maybe one day. I have bits and pieces for Holy Wars, but not enough for a full song.

Comments are welcome as usual:

Devils - Sometime in 2003 - November 2003

If you saw me
You would never suspect
All the things that
Go on inside my head
This world is filled
With little bits of shadow
And everytime I take one in
The darkness inside me grows
And someday it will win

Still I try to hide it
Like you try to cover up
A stain
That won't go away
By hiding it beneath a
Pretty new colour
But it's still there
It bides its time
And waits for someone
To come and make it
Uncovered

But don't condemn
This happy mask
That I present
It's the only shield
Between you
And the Devils
And their evil intent

Chorus 1:
Deep in my mind in a cold dark cell
I can feel it trying to rise again
It's taking over, my own personal Hell
And the Devils that lie within

Come on in and you can see
But your soul will remain with me
Just a hint of fear, a spot of pain
And the demons inside will feed

The Devils are inside

And strength they gain with every meal
These wounds inside will never heal
And while I wish it wasn't true
They are only too real

There's nowhere I can hide

Release me
I have waited so long
Release me
But their hold is too strong
Release me
Release me
Release me
Release me, release me, release me, release me, release me

Chorus 2:
Deep in my mind in a cold dark cell
I can feel it trying to rise again
It's taking over, my own personal Hell
And the Devils that lie within
Darkness
As far as the eye can see
Or the burning flame
I try to flee
And I can't hate the Devils
Because they're just me

Now these monsters are part of me
There is nowhere I belong
But I never can be lonely
As I'll never be alone
They're waiting there inside me
Lying just behind my eyes
And when it reaches meltdown
The army will arise
And break out of my body
With a darkness in their heart
The evil I created
Will tear me apart

Full Chorus:
Deep in my mind in a cold dark cell
I can feel it trying to rise again
It's taking over, my own personal Hell
And the Devils that lie within
Darkness
As far as the eye can see
Or the burning flame
I try to flee
And I can't hate the Devils
Because they're just me
I am their teacher
Their feeder
Their lover
Their hater
Their one true friend
And their fucking creator
I'm a Devil in all but name
And there's only myself to blame

Angels, Angels, hear my plea
Come along and rescue me
Let the darkness end tonight
Vanquish it in holy light
Save my sanity and health
And break the hold I have over
And save my sanity and health
And break the hold I have over
And save my sanity and health
And break the hold I have over
Myself!